"We don't heal in isolation,
we heal in connection"
Esther Perel
BEP Therapy was founded by Helen Eyley-Aboda to support people experiencing grief relating to bereavement, relationships and health, so they can cope with the challenges of life and find balance, empowerment and purpose.
Read our Mission, Vision and Values for more details.
Why did I become a counsellor & psychotherapist?
Like many people I have experienced life’s messiness and unpredictability. When work related issues, the fallout of an emotionally abusive relationship and an endometriosis diagnosis collided, I found myself grieving my health and the life I thought I’d be living. I had good friends and family, but I needed additional support.
Working with a counsellor, things started to make more sense. I let myself grieve, noticed patterns in relationships and started to heal in a way that was truly life changing. I wanted to be able to offer people the support that my counsellor had given me, so I decided to retrain.
I specialised in grief because it takes many forms and affects our lives in many ways. When a relationship ends (for whatever reason), we grieve; if we become estranged from someone, we grieve; when we lose our health, we grieve; and when we or someone we love is diagnosed with a terminal illness or dies, we grieve.
Sometimes we grieve for what was, sometimes we grieve for what we wish had been, sometimes we grieve for the life and future we thought we thought we’d have, but don’t. Grief is not linear or rational. It doesn’t have a set timeline. It is unpredictable and uncertain. All too often our grief is not recognised, supported or understood by society or even our closest friends and family – and that can make it a very lonely experience.
How do I work?
My approach is humanistic, mainly informed by existential therapy, although I also draw on Transactional Analysis and Gestalt therapies. Essentially, that’s a fancy way of saying that I focus on you as a person and how grief is affecting you. If you have a diagnosis of an illness, I want to know how those symptoms affect your life. If you’re experiencing gaslighting in a relationship, how does it affect your self-image and how you act in other relationships?
Mostly, I work in a conversational way – you talk about what is happening for you and I listen and try to truly understand your experience. I’ll make comments and observations, share patterns and together we find a way forward.
If I think it will be useful to you, I may offer some creative techniques. This could include chair work, sand tray, drawing, painting or mark making, or using therapy cards, to name but a few. You are welcome to try these techniques and see how they work for you, and, if it doesn’t feel right, just say no and stick to what you’re comfortable with.
What do I enjoy most about being a counsellor & psychotherapist?
The best thing about my job is my clients. I care deeply about each and every person who comes to me for support. I’m interested in who they are as a person and what’s happening for them.
I love seeing how my clients transform over time. They are often experiencing overwhelming emotions, feel stuck and are looking for answers. Then one day, we have a session and it’s clear something has shifted. Their energy is different. They say they are sleeping better and find that they can get on with life again. What has happened to them has rarely changed, but they’ve moved towards acceptance, and with that acceptance they start to find a purpose in their life again.
I never know when it’s going to happen, but every time it does, I feel great joy and a real sense of satisfaction in our work together.
What is my experience?
I have three years' clinical counselling experience and a total of five years' experience providing mental health support. Alongside my private practice, I work as a volunteer counsellor with The Brain Tumour Charity supporting people following a brain tumour diagnosis. Prior to that, I provided grief counselling at the Hospice in the Weald.
I have also volunteered as a group facilitator with West Kent Mind’s Solace Café providing crisis prevention support and psychoeducation to people with complex needs.
Before training as a counsellor, I spent more than 25 years working in marketing and PR in the private, public and charitable sectors. This means I understand the stress and anxiety that comes from juggling a chronic health condition with a large workload, competing priorities, tight deadlines, alongside family and relationships. I also have a wealth of life experience, which I’m able to draw on in our sessions.
Safeguarding professional standards
I am a registered member of the BACP and follow their ethical framework to ensure I work safely and responsibly. This means I engage in regular supervision to strengthen my practice and keep your wellbeing at the centre of our work together.
